1. How to start your day
2. How to color coordinate
3. How to be outdoorsy without looking like a hobo
4. How NOT to dress like you just robbed a bank 
5. It’s okay to push the boundaries
6. It’s also okay for a man to have purses
7. Choosing ice cream flavor in front of the stand is harder than you think
8. Chansung had a rough childhood
9. Junho is somewhat irrelevant
10. Good actors must internalize their character, even if that means sinking into madness
11. State the obvious, it helps dumb people
12. Trust NO ONE
13. Honesty is the best policy,
…unless you have evidence, now you’re just a closet pervert
14. There is nothing wrong with implying your personal demand,
…unless you fail to learn the art of subtlety
15. Comedians are funnier when they’re fat
16. If you are a whore you must act like one
17. Some past are meant to be buried and hidden in the deepest corner on earth
18. How to seduce a stripper
19. Arsenic…
….is the most secretive way to kill
20. It’s not easy being a woman
21. Everything is possible when you’re famous
22. And when you’re rich you pretty much can buy anything
23. But no matter how famous and rich you are, you shall never forget where you come from
1. He’s a whizz kid
Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. Try pronounce his name 3x and tell me you’re not enchanted by the phonaesthetics that rolls off your tongue. That’s how beautiful his name is, and if you’ve been out of loop since you’ve been living in a hidden cave somewhere, it’s supposed to be pronounced ni-tch-khun, not ni-khun. That tch works magic, okay? Because without “tch”, bitch will only be a bi…so don’t you dare eliminate that fucking “tch”.
If you’re done learning about his extraordinary name, you must know that this guy swears in 3 languages. Not to mention that he’s now famous everywhere, in Korea, in Thailand, in New Zealand, and in freakin’ Rancho Cucamonga (don’t worry, you don’t have to learn how to pronounce this one).
Now, who do we thank for all of these achievements?
Mr. and Mrs. Horvejkul, of course. Since Khun was at such young age, he was already introduced to the stage.
Ok wait, wrong picture.
There.
The heart-thumping and emotionally grueling experience of being a performer is never easy, but this kid prevailed. As you can see above, everyone was deeply impressed with the fierceness that exudes from the tip of his tiny little fingers down to his flawless en pointe.
He was also introduced to his future boss, although in this case it was pretty much coincidental.
…don’t look too happy, Khun. He’s gonna work your ass off.
2. His eyes are mesmerizing
I mean, seriously, how is that a human? His eyes are so freaking cute and round and innocent, and sometimes make you want to hit him with a club for being so blessed with a beautiful pair of eyes.
Funny how people say Asians got no eyes, just look at them. Chansung’s eye-size is borderline cow’s 
and Khun’s are like meerkat’s 
You can’t say no to those eyes even if they asked you to plummet into the deepest pit of hell and bring them back a lava rock as souvenir. You just….can’t.
3. He’s a friendly figure
No doubt Khun has the most fanboys among 2pm members but he never seem to differentiate his fans: 
Although this particular one makes me somewhat uncomfortable: 
4. He’s always confused
There were those days where I typed “khunfused” instead of “confused” and my mom was like “Child, go back to school.” and it’s all because of this guy. He was often caught looking bewildered, and I’m not talking about a “huh?” kind of confusion, he went ALL OUT looking like he did not know a single fuck about what was happening around him. It was again, cute, and amusing because as I mentioned above, his eyes are already big…so when Khun suffers from a serious state of khunfusion, he looks absolutely hilarious. 
(Jesus Christ, Khun…that is a cone of ice cream. Are you confused or blind?)
5. He has a deadly weapon
Winking vending machine, he was once called. Still eye-related but in this case, it takes more than the physical. You’ve got to have it: the charm, the attitude, and the extra something-something that makes people go crazy when you send those deadly wink like a viper releasing its venom 
Like seriously, those sparkles were not added, you guise…they’re naturally blazing off of him.
Another reason why his wink is so deadly, is because it has no gender preference, no one is immune to this thing…we’ve seen how well it’s been working so far 
It may look easy to do, I mean…it’s just a wink, right?
WRONG.
It’s trickier than you think. Someone once tried a long time ago and failed miserably: 
6. He’s a great model
No doubt, he’s one of the prettiest face in Kpop at the moment. I think JYPE can buy the Cinderella Castle from Disney World with the amount of money Khun brings to the company just by modelling alone if he wants to. It’s like, he has no ugly side. His small face, perfect height and long legs are meant to be photographed, I mean…I would frame his picture, hang it on my wall and claim him to be my son, you know what I mean? That’s how gorgeous he is.
But having said that, I always feel that his legs are too skinny for his body. He was okay two years ago but now that he’s bulked up, thanks to the other two gym freak giants, his proportion looks a bit off.
If I see him in person I would suggest that instead of working out using Chansung’s legs, why not try lift Chansung using his own legs and see how that goes from there 
7. He’s into role-play
Kinky, kinky, Khun. Have you noticed that whenever he’s given a prop or an outfit, he’s suddenly transform into those characters, like wholeheartedly? I have a suspicion that he’s the same way when it comes to … you know, the foreplay. Try see what he’s been so far:
A stuffed animal.
A Panda (you have angered the original self-proclaimed panda jundyu btw…)
Slightly pedophile Batman.
An overgrown baby.
Indiana Jones (ok this one is rather poor effort).
A butler who is psychotic and will kill you at night with his butcher knife.
A Playboy Bunny (too literal).
Frankenstein.
Jay Park.
The great Buckaroo (pretty convincing due to the fact that his name is a part of it).
A woman (oh God, Taec you are so groce).
A jailbait (this is more natural tbh).
An unattractive person (this one was a little odd for me because the eyebrows didn’t seem to distract me at all. Him and his eyebrows…idek).
8. His individual style
I don’t know if this should be positive or negative, but I do like to pay attention to what Khun wears because they’re always weird.
well ok, this one can be categorized to the khunfusion, but really, Khun? That hair?
And as if it wasn’t weird enough, he once looked like this 
at some point in his life. Did a hairdryer blew up on you or something?
Aside from the hairstyle, he also wears the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. 
What on earth?
Are you 65?
Like how the fuck can you even see?
Yea, idek.
Alright, this one is not weird at all but he was probably in the middle of contemplating which red-colored clothing item he should wear that day. Buck loves red like Chansung loves food.
9. His suggestive photoshoot
He’s always on the bed.
LIKE.
ALWAYS.
ON THE BED.
It’s either he’s always lazy and sleepy on set or Korea wants you to believe that the only place he belongs, is on your motherfucking bed.
And it’d better be white, fluffy and shit because if it wasn’t, Khun will throw a tantrum and refuse to please you. 
10. He is very humble
This picture has nothing to do with him being humble but there is always an excuse to stare at naked 2PM giants (I wanted to post the whole gang pic but Woo & Junbros had wifebeaters on, goddamnit!!!). Aside from the fame and glory he’s had in his pocket, Khun never forget his family and where he’s come from. We can tell that he’s going to be an amazing dad someday or now if you would father my child.
Khun said if he wasn’t in 2PM, he would have been nobody. I personally disagree because with all the positive attitude and good working ethic that he possesses, this guy would go very far in whichever direction he chooses to go and no matter what he does in life, he will be somebody.
Happy Birthday Khun, hope you heffa good one!
When you wake up this morning you’ll be a year older and you can finally & legally eat space brownies while hanging out by the Varkenssluis. I know you smoke pot, and being a /loose/ European that you once claimed to be, you probably are also an expensive escort who only eats caviar and take Visa for payment. But it’s ok because you can draw and you draw really well.
Sometimes you can be a grammar Nazi when you feel like it and it scares me because my fic is full of HAHAHA and ORLY, and if you were my editor I would run away from you and rather feeding myself to an alligator than facing your cruel judgment. But then again, it’s okay because you challenged me and made me want to write better.
Your brother is so hot and the last time we talked you said your mom likes me so if you like me as much as she does, I don’t mind being adopted by your family, or better yet, be your sister in law.
If not, that’s fine too, because if I was your family I don’t think I can be freely making fun of your Junho-stanning style. I never understand how you never wanted to do bad things to Junho, quoting you “I want to be friends with him”. Like, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? That’s why on your next birthday I will be sending you estrogen pills; they’re expensive but that’s why I’m taking an extra part-time job right now. Yes, kimbo…just for you. You better love me.
Last but not least, you know we suspected that you watch ghei porn and now that I remember what you said last year, the first time we started chatting:
I am convinced that you do no matter how hard you deny it. Just like Eminem said, I love the way you lie lulz (oh, and the answer is JUNSU, Kim…Junsu is the straight one.)
So I hope you had a great, marvelous day and an amazing year to come. You know we love you and how trolly you are. I love your face and legs too, no homo, and I hope someday you will release that ballet video of yours where you were the bumblebee.
Say hello to Robin, ok? I’m always single for him keukeukeu
today my followers number reached a significant milestone and I would like to send you all my gratitude for following. I know I’m bad at communicating with all of you and for that I apologize. I honestly don’t have anything to give you guys other than my macros, which I am positive to say, is why you guys followed me in a first place :D So I guess, as a thank you / i’m sorry gift I’m gonna post do a macro spam from my archive. Some you probably don’t find it funny anymore coz they’re outdated but I have to say I had fun compiling them lol It’s like finding your old favorite sweater at the back of your cabinet during a Spring cleaning. Dusty, so last season, and probably has some holes in it, but it does hold many memories and make you kinda feel warm inside.
LOL WTF AM I SAYING… k then, ready?
I have a feeling 2PM boys discuss about what they should tweet.
They’re all so organized, like one would post a dumb pic and the rest would follow with related and even dumber pics. I can picture them sitting around together on their couch with their precious Blackberries, giggling and waiting for their turn to post.
Taec would be the head bitch because he’s Oktizen and always come up with the dumbest ideas ever. Btw Techhh, you forever be a scary woman to me ok? Haunt my dreams if you may. But don’t waste your time replying to haters, HATERS GON’ HATE. BIEBERS GON’ BIEB etc.
Junsu would follow him because Jun to da K is so fly and although he seemed to be so SRS BZNZ with his “I’m in the studio, plotting world domination with my Kung Fu Panda rap…” I bet he was as excite as the rest of the gang. Da wedder is bomb, blasting and shit.
Khun is always the fruity homo but Minjae favors him the most, judging from their lovey-dovey tweets and replies, “OMAIGAH HYUNG I WON TODAY.” when posting a dark pic of a sky. Btw Buck’s pics are always dark, I think he should get his Blackberry checked. Oh and NGL, his recent song choices made me realize he’s just a horny mother fucker. Hump a wall or something.
Junho. He’s too tweets-delete happy…it’s like his tweets have an expiration date. DID YOU INSTALL A TWITTER TRIAL VERSION BY MISTAKE? but his “Anywhere you want.” location always amuses me coz I always tell myself it’s “In my pants.” Thanks Lee Junho.
Chansung is still traumatic with the whole “I love men” tragedy. Taec you are so mean, you shouldn’t have spilled it for the whole gang okay, we knew what was going on behind closed doors. Just kidding, they’re all straight you guise…I proved it. But Chansung bb, tweet more X-rated pichurs ok? Noonars love them and noonars fap to them. You can tweet sweet angelic baby pics of you sleeping too, noonars would still fap to it. Noonars are just…….. fappers. FAPPERS GON’ FAP fuck yeah.
Wooyoung. Bitch…post something.
i know some of you mentioned that you’ve slept with our dearie 2PM.
so,
will you be angels and tell us the details?
like, how good are they in bed? how wild are they when you guys do it?
how big or small their penises are? what is your favorite position when you do it?
simply….. every single fucking thing when you fuck them.
please and thank you :)
Ok…so
Chansung, hmm… he’s like monstrous down there. He loves to pin you down and look at you straight in the eyes while doing it. He said, he likes to “read” your reaction when he invades you.
Taec, he likes to talk dirty. He likes you to say scream his name and tell him how much you want him. If you don’t believe me, he did it to Khun ON THE STAGE back in Thailand.
Junsu, he sings you lullaby between the secks. “My mind tellin’ me no. But my badiii…MY BAAAADIIIII is tellin’ me yeeeeees”. Yes, that’s why he loves that song so much.
Junho, he likes to turn you over so that he could see your behind. Why? He’s obsassive. He will offer you to wash your titties if you do it in the shower.
Jay, this guy is a monster. Those biceps aren’t build for nothing, although in between the deeds, he will joke with you and send you his sexy laugh while still guiding you to reach the explosion.
Wooyoung, don’t be fooled by his cuteness. The silent one is usually the wildest one in bed. But you need to be considerate and let him do you missionary, his body isn’t too suitable for cowgirl action since he’s a little on the thin side. Other than that, he will surprise you with what he can do with that flexible waist of his.
Khun, I felt so sinful when I did it with him coz he’s so godly….so I put a paperbag over his head, and he let me. He said I could do whatever I want as long as it makes me happy. His action, on the other hand, is not disappoint. He’ll make sure you are pleased before he is.
Yes, I slept with them all. I was the reason this dooms day happened in your fandom. So now, let me excuse myself and go to that hidden cave of mine with no zip code, so you can’t send me no bloody letters sprinkled with pubes. I might be cursed to my death bed by thousands of you, but at least I’ve slept with 7 sexiest guy in the universe.
Live my life, bish.
